Two-time New York Times bestselling author, TV personality and podcast host Stassi Schroeder Clark is releasing her third book, You Can’t Have It All: The Basic B*tch Guide to Taking the Pressure Off, and it’s safe to say it’s the relatable wellness read we never knew we needed. Full of life anecdotes, the book challenges the term “girl boss” and encourages us all to take the pressure off, give ourselves grace and lean into the things that bring happiness. We recently caught up with the Vanderpump Rules alum to talk about her writing process, being a mom of two and how she’s learning to be a bit easier on herself.
Writing can be like having homework for the rest of your life. How did you sit down and get this one done?
It really can be the worst! This is my third book, and it was the hardest one by far. You would think that, “Oh, it’s the third time. She’s gotten the hang of it.” But it was tough. I was writing about how to take the pressure off. We don’t have to be achieving more and doing more all the time. We don’t have to be girl-bossing all the time! Yet, the very act of writing a book is girl-bossy. I felt a little hypocritical at times, which made it even harder to write.
To answer your question, I have to focus on something really specific and get it down. If I just sit down to write, nothing will come out. I have to sit there and be like, “Okay, what is one specific part of my life that pertains to what I’m trying to say?” Through just that one little specific thing, then it all just like comes pouring out. But, yes, the writing process can be the worst.
You can’t force it—unless you have a deadline.
It was easier before I had kids because if I had a sudden creative thought, I could take the time to go and do that. I don’t have the luxury of doing that now with the kids. It was almost like I had to force myself during the hours where my kids were being taken care of.
The main theme of the book is about taking the pressure off. How do you take the pressure off yourself?
I got to this point where I just like realized, “Oh my gosh, we’re all expected to operate at 100 percent in every single thing that we do.” And that’s not just me—it’s all women. It’s unrealistic and totally impossible. I wrote this book to remind myself that we don’t have to operate like that! To constantly be exceeding in everything that we do is not the ticket to happiness.
There is nothing tangible that I could tell you: “This is exactly how I take the pressure off myself.” I just have to remind myself all the time and say, “F*** it.” That’s the mentality. If people see me out in public and my kid is having a tantrum, and they’re going to make their judgments, Who cares? If I don’t feel like working out today, “F*** it! Who cares.” When I have that mentality, my day is that much better.
I like that. What do you do when you do have time for yourself?
Every morning, right when I put my baby down, doing my hair and makeup is my meditation time. That hour to do my skin care, shower, do my hair, do my makeup, and just zone out…that’s self-care to me. And that makes my day so much better. Then, at night, once they go down to bed, if I can just like get an hour to watch a good historical drama, that really resets me. It truly does.
You’re obviously been on camera a bunch over the years. What are some of your beauty holy grails?
It wasn’t until after Vanderpump Rules that someone introduced me to Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation ($52). It changed my life! I actually get annoyed to think I didn’t know about it earlier. It’s like concrete! It’s like concrete on my face. I could cry, I could scratch myself, I could go swimming, and this does not move—the coverage is insane. People will compliment me and say, “You have the most beautiful skin.” But I really don’t. It’s all makeup. I swear by that foundation.
Your skin does look amazing.
It’s not real! It’s all fake!
What are you excited about as we get into fall?
We’re going to Italy in a few weeks. I’m really excited because my husband’s family is in Italy. His sister’s still there, his birth father is still there, so we’re taking Messer there for the first time. Fall is my time to shine! Fall clothes, layers, sweaters, coats, leggings, even Uggs! Uggs are the ugliest thing to ever exist, but I miss them. I love everything about the comfort of fall. I love everything about the vibe of it. I’m counting down the days.
